Things You Should Know
So the first thing you should know is that I've had quite a bit of alcohol this evening. It's 2006, which I predict will be a much better year than 2005. I was talking to my psychiatrist in November of 2004, and he said it wasn't a good week to gauge the effectiveness of antidepressants. It was the week George W. Bush was re-elected.
The second thing you should know is that Auld Lang Syne was transcribed by Bobby Burns from an ancient Scottish song. The melody is not the same as the original, but that's fine because even Burns acknowledged that the original melody was crap. Here is my favorite verse:
We twa hae paidled in the burn
From morning sun til dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin auld lang syne.
It means:
We two have paddled in the stream
From noon til dinner time,
But seas between us broad have roared
Since times gone by.
It reminds me of "Across the Sea," a song by Weezer about being separated from someone you love.
I have Scottish blood, which probably doesn't matter (I'm not a believer in eugenics... or am I? see below) but anyway I'm proud of Auld Lang Syne. It's so beautiful I can't express it. As Bobby Burns said, light be the turf on the person who conceived this glorious song. By the way, the Indian military plays the song as a farewell, as when the troops march out from the parade grounds. Even the colonized can take the truly beautiful from the colonialists. Also parliamentary democracy.
The third thing you should know is that some people are just too good for this life. It so happens that most of the ones I know are Indian, but that must be some strange coincidence. I don't believe in eugenics (or do I? see below). Tarun and Amrit are the most notable examples, although Tarun's mom and dad also come to mind. As do Jayati and Janavi, neighbors of Tarun. We were at a party, and some guy said that a director made such wonderful films, he felt great sympathy for the characters. Jayati said, "I've seen his films, and my sympathy was entirely with the audience." She was a Rhodes scholar and a brilliant economist. My only wish in life is that I might be worthy of having worked with her and Tarun's dad. So brilliant!
Janavi, meanwhile (a girl, daughter of Jayati), was an accomplished liar, much like Tarun. We played a strange version of bullshit, the card game, and she did very well. She was the child of two Rhodes scholars, Bengali's I suppose, because her nickname was Potu. If she doesn't get a top-notch education and impress the world, like Tarun, it will be a tragedy beyond comprehension.
Speaking of Tarun, I don't understand it. I tell people about him, and they don't believe me. I try to get people to meet him, and they resist. They might be wise, though. Once you've met Tarun, you can never harbor the illusion that you are the best person in the world. You can only hope for second-best, and you suspect that you are behind an entire nation of Tarun-like awesomeness. That excludes you from the top 1/6 of the world's population, and even more if you count Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh.
The fourth (forth? I'm drunk) thing you should know is that Wes Anderson makes brilliant films. Jason Schwartzman is incredibly lucky to have been in both "Rushmore" and "I [heart] Huckabee's," two of the most brilliant films ever made. The guy who made "I [heart] Huckabee's" is a genius, and an Amherst alum. See all his movies or be deprived. Also see "Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou." No one need sympathize with the audience.
Another thing you should know is that champagne comes from northern France, in a region where the grapes don't always ripen fully by the time they are harvested. The grapes are thus augmented by sugar, which is introduced in a mixture of sugar and yeast. This may or may not be a legacy of French colonialism (sugar from Louisiana, purchased by Jefferson, birthplace of William Jefferson Clinton). The bottles are filled with the stuff, then turned upside down. The dregs are removed and the bottle is corked. The resulting wine is so delicious that you can't help drinking massive amounts of it every chance you get, including New Year's Eve.
The remarkable thing is that the carbonation was initially a mistake. The winemakers were ashamed, but the drinking public (British, mostly, I think) were delighted. This goes to show two things. First, often our flaws are what make us great. Second, that the British are an enlightened and wonderful race (though I don't believe in eugenics... see below).
Another thing you should know is that a good bedside manner is important. Not just for doctors, and I'm not making a crude sexual joke (although a good bedside manner couldn't hurt there either). My dad, an infectious diseases doctor, has an excellent bedside manner. My mom, a transplant surgeon, not so much. She took away my painkillers the day after I got my wisdom teeth removed, for fear that I would get addicted. Oh it hurt so much. But she's an excellent surgeon. We lived in Peoria when I was very young, then in Little Rock for about 13 years. When we went back to Peoria, a patient requested her for his transplant. She had been the surgeon for his original kidney transplant, and he wanted her again because she did such a good job.
Finally, the good things in life aren't cheap, but they aren't expensive either. A loving spouse, a comfortable home, children to love and cherish. I think I'll have to adopt my children, because I don't want to pass on my genes to anyone. I've drawn an analogy to apple trees in the past, but for now it's sufficient to note that no one should be as miserable as I've been. It's odd, because I'm the kind of liberal who hates the notion of genetic superiority, yet I suspect that my misery is somehow in my genes.
I want to adopt an Indian or Bangladeshi girl and name her Parvati. It's such a beautiful name. The only problem with raising a girl is worrying about how she'll deal with the iniquities of sexuality. So many women are raped, abused, or driven to self-destructive behavior by our culture of starving supermodel lust-objects. Boys live in the same culture but are spared the worst indignities.
So that's what you should know. The most important thing is love. Love and skepticism. Love, skepticism, and empiricism. Which is to say, be like the British, or better yet, be like Tarun. He's the best this world has to offer.
The second thing you should know is that Auld Lang Syne was transcribed by Bobby Burns from an ancient Scottish song. The melody is not the same as the original, but that's fine because even Burns acknowledged that the original melody was crap. Here is my favorite verse:
We twa hae paidled in the burn
From morning sun til dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin auld lang syne.
It means:
We two have paddled in the stream
From noon til dinner time,
But seas between us broad have roared
Since times gone by.
It reminds me of "Across the Sea," a song by Weezer about being separated from someone you love.
I have Scottish blood, which probably doesn't matter (I'm not a believer in eugenics... or am I? see below) but anyway I'm proud of Auld Lang Syne. It's so beautiful I can't express it. As Bobby Burns said, light be the turf on the person who conceived this glorious song. By the way, the Indian military plays the song as a farewell, as when the troops march out from the parade grounds. Even the colonized can take the truly beautiful from the colonialists. Also parliamentary democracy.
The third thing you should know is that some people are just too good for this life. It so happens that most of the ones I know are Indian, but that must be some strange coincidence. I don't believe in eugenics (or do I? see below). Tarun and Amrit are the most notable examples, although Tarun's mom and dad also come to mind. As do Jayati and Janavi, neighbors of Tarun. We were at a party, and some guy said that a director made such wonderful films, he felt great sympathy for the characters. Jayati said, "I've seen his films, and my sympathy was entirely with the audience." She was a Rhodes scholar and a brilliant economist. My only wish in life is that I might be worthy of having worked with her and Tarun's dad. So brilliant!
Janavi, meanwhile (a girl, daughter of Jayati), was an accomplished liar, much like Tarun. We played a strange version of bullshit, the card game, and she did very well. She was the child of two Rhodes scholars, Bengali's I suppose, because her nickname was Potu. If she doesn't get a top-notch education and impress the world, like Tarun, it will be a tragedy beyond comprehension.
Speaking of Tarun, I don't understand it. I tell people about him, and they don't believe me. I try to get people to meet him, and they resist. They might be wise, though. Once you've met Tarun, you can never harbor the illusion that you are the best person in the world. You can only hope for second-best, and you suspect that you are behind an entire nation of Tarun-like awesomeness. That excludes you from the top 1/6 of the world's population, and even more if you count Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh.
The fourth (forth? I'm drunk) thing you should know is that Wes Anderson makes brilliant films. Jason Schwartzman is incredibly lucky to have been in both "Rushmore" and "I [heart] Huckabee's," two of the most brilliant films ever made. The guy who made "I [heart] Huckabee's" is a genius, and an Amherst alum. See all his movies or be deprived. Also see "Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou." No one need sympathize with the audience.
Another thing you should know is that champagne comes from northern France, in a region where the grapes don't always ripen fully by the time they are harvested. The grapes are thus augmented by sugar, which is introduced in a mixture of sugar and yeast. This may or may not be a legacy of French colonialism (sugar from Louisiana, purchased by Jefferson, birthplace of William Jefferson Clinton). The bottles are filled with the stuff, then turned upside down. The dregs are removed and the bottle is corked. The resulting wine is so delicious that you can't help drinking massive amounts of it every chance you get, including New Year's Eve.
The remarkable thing is that the carbonation was initially a mistake. The winemakers were ashamed, but the drinking public (British, mostly, I think) were delighted. This goes to show two things. First, often our flaws are what make us great. Second, that the British are an enlightened and wonderful race (though I don't believe in eugenics... see below).
Another thing you should know is that a good bedside manner is important. Not just for doctors, and I'm not making a crude sexual joke (although a good bedside manner couldn't hurt there either). My dad, an infectious diseases doctor, has an excellent bedside manner. My mom, a transplant surgeon, not so much. She took away my painkillers the day after I got my wisdom teeth removed, for fear that I would get addicted. Oh it hurt so much. But she's an excellent surgeon. We lived in Peoria when I was very young, then in Little Rock for about 13 years. When we went back to Peoria, a patient requested her for his transplant. She had been the surgeon for his original kidney transplant, and he wanted her again because she did such a good job.
Finally, the good things in life aren't cheap, but they aren't expensive either. A loving spouse, a comfortable home, children to love and cherish. I think I'll have to adopt my children, because I don't want to pass on my genes to anyone. I've drawn an analogy to apple trees in the past, but for now it's sufficient to note that no one should be as miserable as I've been. It's odd, because I'm the kind of liberal who hates the notion of genetic superiority, yet I suspect that my misery is somehow in my genes.
I want to adopt an Indian or Bangladeshi girl and name her Parvati. It's such a beautiful name. The only problem with raising a girl is worrying about how she'll deal with the iniquities of sexuality. So many women are raped, abused, or driven to self-destructive behavior by our culture of starving supermodel lust-objects. Boys live in the same culture but are spared the worst indignities.
So that's what you should know. The most important thing is love. Love and skepticism. Love, skepticism, and empiricism. Which is to say, be like the British, or better yet, be like Tarun. He's the best this world has to offer.
posted by James | 1:36 AM
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