T-Bone

So it never works to create your own nickname. There's even a Seinfeld episode about it. I'd like a nickname, though, and to get the ball rolling I'm including a selection of past nicknames. Feel free to pick one and spread it around, so that I can have, you know, a nickname. In rough chronological order:

1. Jimmy. I didn't even realize this wasn't my name until well into my childhood. I abandoned it after Father Tribou told us that men have to use real names. This is not one to bring back, but you may hear my family and old friends using it.

2. Little Man. This comes from my time at Davidson College, at summer camp. It refers to my small physical size.

3. Spanky. This is also not one to revive. High school is so cruel.

4. The Prisoner. This stems from my reclusive habits freshman year of college. I rarely left my room, just like a prisoner. Variations include Prison Bitch and PBJ (Prison Bitch James). I don't mind this one as much as you might expect.

5. Jazzy James V. It's unclear why my coworkers at the restaurant came up with this one. I like it, though. Variations include the V and the V of all James V's. The V is pronounced like the letter, not the Roman numeral.

6. The Shank. My coworkers gave me this one, too. I told them a story about getting in a knife fight with a Puerto Rican, and they thought my exploits merited a violent nickname. I'd be hard pressed to disagree, although the knife fight never happened.

7. Sharky. Another coworker nickname. This one comes from the time I beat a coworker at 9-ball. It's a variation of pool in which you sink the balls in order until you miss. The person who sinks the 9-ball wins. The nature of the game is that a beginner can do very poorly but happen to sink the last ball, which is what I did. Since I beat a much better player, they concluded that I am a pool shark.

So there you go. It's a pretty good selection, but if you don't like them, I have some other ideas:

1. The Rainmaker. It ain't braggin if it's true, which it isn't.

2. A Bengali nickname. These typically have nothing to do with your actual name, and are diminuitive. Some Indians just shorten their names and add an "u" sound at the end, as in Indu for Indira or Chandru for Chandrasekhar. I guess I'd be Jamu, but that's confusing because it's a state next to Kashmir or something.

3. Jacob or Jake. These are etymologically identical to James, the Supplanter, brother of Esau the hairy one.

4. Hefe. I know this isn't really a nickname, but I think it would be cool to be called Hefe. Also Boss or Chief.

So there you go. Leave a comment with any suggestions you have. Be creative! Or if not creative, at least pick one of my old nicknames to bring back.