Run Run Run Run - Psycho Redneck

Something that a lot of Arkansans know, but doesn't seem to be well-known outside Arkansas, is that Mike Huckabee's son found a dog that was too lame to run away and hanged it from a tree. He was 17 at the time, at summer camp. It's the kind of redneck psycho thing that gives a very bad impression and, without knowing more, is probably unfair to bring up as an attack on Huckabee. It says a lot about his son, and a little about his parenting skills, but not a lot about the kind of president he would be. Nevertheless, I think it would be very effective for one of his opponents to use as part of an unofficial negative campaign strategy. I mean - he found a dog that couldn't run away and hanged it from a tree. ("Do you think they'll kick me out of the church, Dad?" "I don't know, son, but they sure kicked you out of summer camp.")



It turns out that the story reflects worse on Governor Huckabee than I thought. Apparently Governor Huckabee tried to use his influence to make sure that the cops didn't punish his son for - again - finding a dog that couldn't get away and hanging it from a tree.

Okay, so now maybe it's fair game, since it sheds light on Huckabee's petty corruption (it's along the same lines as the time he used the Governor's mansion budget - which is to be spent on the governor's mansion - to buy a Taco Bell dinner for his family). Still, it seems a bit tawdry to bring it up. To bring up, that is, the time Mike Huckabee's son found a dog that couldn't run away and so he hanged it from a tree.

Just a minute ago, though, I read that Mike Huckabee brags about it. Now we're into a whole different category of "what this says about Mike Huckabee." I think it's more than fair game - it's almost mandatory to bring this up. Sure, you don't want to ruffle too many feathers if you're Mitt Romney, but then again, if people like the idea of finding a dog that can't get away and hanging it from a tree, do you really want their votes? (Romney's answer: "Oh my yes") I've taken the liberty of writing a little passage Huckabee might consider adding to his stump speech:

"Folks, a lot of people don't like the idea of President Huckabee. Maybe they'd prefer a pro-choice Republican like Rudy Giuliani, or a pro-choice Republican like Mitt Romney. Oh, sorry, what day of the week is it? Tuesday? Sorry about that, I meant a 'pro-life' Republican like Mitt Romney. People question my mastery of international affairs and my commitment to cutting taxes. People say I'm just not cut out for the job.

But to them I say: My son found a dog that couldn't get away and he hanged it from a tree. You can see this blown-up mug shot of my son behind me - I couldn't be prouder of the boy. When I refused to dance with my wife at my inauguration as governor, he stepped up to the plate. But the pride I felt then was as nothing compared to the pride I felt when I got that call from the state police, informing me that my son had, well, you know what comes next. He'd gone and found a dog that couldn't get away and he'd hanged it from a tree."

Thank me later, Huckabee. Or should I say, President Huckabee.