Be a Man

It's time to share a few tips that will help you cope with life as a modern man.

• You don't get your hair cut anywhere without a barber pole, and you never pay more than $10 in 1995 dollars. If they don't break out the shaving cream and straight razor to clean up the back of your neck, you've been cheated. If your new cut looks at all stylish, you've been duped.



• If your girlfriend says she needs some breathing room, respond, "Isn't that what Hitler said Germany needed?"



• You don't have to use a separate pot for tomato sauce. Just throw the spaghetti in the collander and then put the sauce in the pan. Go ahead and throw at least half the jar in there, you'll be needing it.



• Check the weather forecast online. Then, throughout the day, confidently predict whatever it says to whoever will listen.



• The Constitution is for pussies.



• House? No. This Old House? Hell yes.